Friday the 13th
by Nature9000
Summary: This delves into the inner thoughts of Spongebob, what secrets does this sponge hold? What secrets do the others in his own city hold? Find out here. This was a request, expect NO MORE spongebob fics from me


Friday the 13th

Disclaimer: I don't own Spongebob Squarepants, nor do I ever want to.

A/N: This was actually requested by someone. I don't like Spongebob, and that's why they requested that _I_ write this -_-. Just because I don't like the show, they think I'm best for writing this…Seriously, Spongebob creeps the hell out of me. Ah whatever, just enjoy the read.

* * *

-AGAIN BEST IN FIRST PERSON-

Great, the snail's crawling on me again. Why can't I just stay in my bed? "What do you want from me, Gary?" I asked with a sneering voice. I heard the snail give off a confused moan. Of course, I asked that with a little too much rudeness. Sorry if I'm a bit grumpy in the mornings, especially since I'm not _supposed_ to act like that. I put on a wide grin and throw the covers off of me, I scream out with joy and happiness. "_Good morning,_ Gary!" I glance over at the calendar and spot the day, it's March 13th, 2009. Ah, I've awaited this day for the longest time. Let's just go for the majority of the day and act as 'normal' as they all believe I can.

Have you ever wondered _why_ I seem to have those random moments of smartness? Recall the sculpture that the damned art guy thought was the work of a god? Ever wonder how I can be dumber than that pink star, yet I have all those moments where I am much smarter than he is? Yes, you've figured it out. I've 'dumbed myself down' so to speak. No one knows my true self, no one knows my true thoughts. Why would I let them learn? If I didn't act stupid, then they'd all be suspicious. So far, only that Squidward is the most suspicious, however he's also the most annoying. No wait, it's Patrick that is the most annoying of all.

After all, it's walking next to that damned star which makes me have to keep my act of a complete idiot for more hours than I would _like_ to. The idiot's the one that's caused us to deal with so much trouble. Oh, and do you remember Squidward's little _crane_ problem? I was so close to doing exactly what I wanted to do, but that day wasn't Friday the 13th. I am at my strongest on Friday the 13th. At my strongest, at my most genius, at my _evilest._ That's right, you heard me. Who do you think sank Atlantis? Okay, that was one of my ancestors, not me. Anyway, I'm willing to let you delve deep, deep into my mind. In the end, only the strong survive. It's time to show these numbskulls the _real_ Spongebob Squarepants. Gary's staring at me as I laugh, I know he's confused and wondering where his food is.

"You want your food now, Gary?" Gary meows and moves over to me. I've always wondered what a _snail_ was doing meowing like a _cat_. I lift my eyes and start to wonder what I should do today. _"Perhaps I should go after that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. A couple old geezers like them…sure they're old, but they can be strong when they have to be. They trust me so much that they wouldn't see it coming. Hell, everyone here thinks I'm too stupid to pull anything off." _No, they shouldn't be my first victims, not at all. My first probably should be Mr. Krabbs, especially considering he's actually more suspicious of me than Squidward is. Hell, he's probably the smartest person in this stupid little city.

I place Gary's food in his dish and set it on the ground. _"Yes, eat now little snail. For when I return, you will never eat another meal again!"_ I chuckle and exit from my house. I look over and see Patrick working on cleaning his rock with some rag. _"What a moron, he'll be cleaning that thing for a whole week if he's working with only the rag."_ I see Patrick look my way, he's got an odd look on his face. "Poor idiot probably doesn't realize this is his final day among the living. I'd almost feel sorry for him…"

I walk behind my house and enter the hidden and sealed off door that I had created. Inside, there is a large array of weapons, each I can conceal safely. _"I probably could kill Plankton, but he's too small, insignificant and stupid to actually beat me. Hell, he can't even take the secret Krabby Patty recipe. How the hell can it be _that _hard?" _ Speaking of Krabby Patties, I need to get to work. I chuckle to myself and begin heading toward the restaurant. _"And thus it begins."_ Once I enter the restaurant, I see banners saying 'Happy Friday the 13th.'

"What's with Friday the 13th banners?" Squidward asks as he enters next to me. Mr. Krabbs comes out of his office and grins brightly.

"This day is the most celebrated!" Krabbs says with a disgustingly chipper voice. "Every eleven years, March 13th falls on Friday the 13th!" I raise my eyebrows and cross my arms, I couldn't help but wonder what this crab was getting to. Sure, March 13th was when I was at my strongest, but it had to fall on a Friday. Therefore, I was at my most powerful eleven years ago, March 13th 1998. "There's a legend behind this day!"

"Ooh, a _legend_?" I ask in a interested tone of voice. Sure, it's fake, but they don't know it. I widen my eyes for touch and smile brightly. "What's the legend?" I know the legend well. Eleven years ago, that's when I moved to Bikini Bottom. The city that I had lived in before had been destroyed, destroyed on March 13th 1998. That was right, every eleven years, some great tragedy happens. I'm almost forty years old. When I was eighteen, I created a disease and sent an epidemic through one town.

"Sure lad, the tale of March 13th, _the_ Friday the 13th. Every eleven years, a great tragedy befalls some city, state, country…No one ever knows who or what the beast is. Nobody ever lives to tell the grisly tale. However I will say…twenty years ago, a great epidemic passed over a city that I lived in. Only I and my next door neighbor managed to escape with our lives before we had been killed." My eyebrows rise with shock, someone had escaped that epidemic with their lives? "My neighbor swore revenge, that he would find the monster that created this problem and he would destroy that demon."

_"Hah, good luck."_ I can't help but wonder who the person was that survived, no one was supposed to have escaped. It won't have mattered. By the time I am done with Bikini Bottom, they'll be dead anyway. Squidward doesn't seemed to interested in the tale, particularly because he most likely believes it's just a legend. He goes over to the cashier and Krabbs moves to his office. Now is the time to strike. I casually walk over to Squidward and lean against the boat. "Hey Squidward."

"Not now Spongebob, I can't stand it with you here in my face." I roll my eyes and begin to ponder what weapon I should use. Krabbs is smart, so if Squidward screams, he'll know something is up. I could use my gas pellets on him, especially since it would knock him out and nothing would have happened to arouse Krabbs's suspicions. As I start to reach into my pocket, I hear the doors open. I look over and see the stupid pink creature walking into the establishment. Well, I guess it wouldn't be a problem to finish him off too, but I was hoping for only Squidward this one time.

"Hi," Patrick says with a dumb voice. "I'd like one Krabby Patty to go please!" If he leaves, it'll be all the greater for me. I mean sure, I could get rid of him now, but he's so stupid, I'd love to have fun torturing the moron later on.

"Coming right up, Patrick!" I say as I quickly enter the kitchen. As I prepare to cook the patty, I put some of my own special sauce on it. It is something that will paralyze Patrick when he gets home. He'll be a sitting duck until I manage to get to his place and destroy him. "One Krabby Patty!" I say this with added enthusiasm, since I know Squidward already wonders if I'm smarter than I act.

"Gee, thanks Spongebob!" Patrick grins as Squidward shoves the burger into a bag. Patrick takes the bag and stares at it a moment. I'm not sure what's going through the idiot's mind, but he probably saw some speck that looks like a bug. I'm almost tempted to kill him right now. I wait for him to leave and then rub my chin, pondering the possibilities of turning this restaurant into a gas chamber.

_"I could put my poisonous gas timers to the walls and when ready, I could make them emit horrible gas…causing genocide, deaths to whoever enters this building._" I decide to do just that, Spencer doesn't ever really care or notice what I'm doing. Besides, the guy's too busy staring at a flute magazine to even pay attention. "Hey Squidward, I'll be _right_ back." Squidward waves his hand in the air and lets me quickly run to his house. I open his door and chuckle, the idiot always kept his door unlocked. I sneak in and take his flute. For some reason, I feel someone's eyes on me, but I don't really care right now.

I take some powder out of my pocket and sprinkle it onto the mouthpiece of Squidward's instrument. I quickly run back to the restaurant and hold out the instrument. I can see his eyes widen with surprise, he's probably wondering how I got into his house. "What are you doing with my flute!"

"I thought you might want to play it, since you're reading something about it!" Please, like anyone would want to hear his crappy music. He smiles with pride and takes his flute.

"Why thank you very much." I watch as he licks his lips and slowly begins to bring his flute to his mouth. A wide grin forms at my lips as he brings his moist lips to the mouthpiece. He then begins to play his instrument and I walk back to the kitchen. It isn't long before I hear him beginning to choke. After all, he'd just taken a lot of rat poison. It isn't long before he drops his flute and grabs his throat. "S-Spongebob?"

"Yes Squidward?" I ask as I push my head into view of the window. He looks at me with wide eyes, seeing the dangerous smirk on my face. "Happy Friday the 13th Squidward. He's choking even more, gasping for air but never receiving it. His skin color's even changing. "Never underestimate someone who acts like an idiot, Squidward. For they could be the greatest criminal mastermind you'll ever know."

"I-I…" He falls to his knees and reaches out with his hand. I can say for sure, I don't have to worry about him ever again. It's a pity, in the end I'll blow up Bikini Bottom. Then I'll descend upon another city, possibly Rock Bottom, and destroy it in eleven years.

As Squidward dies, I can only sigh. It looks like my next victim will be Mr. Krabbs. That shouldn't be too hard, since I know his greatest weakness. I know the weakness of everyone in town. The things they can't resist, everything about them. How stupid they were, to get so close to me in the eleven years of living here. I bring out several bags stuffed with money and explosives, these will work nicely. I carry them out and set them on the ground, it isn't long before the money pinching crab runs out of his office.

"I smell money!" Mr. Krabbs exclaims. He's too focused on the money to notice how Squidward is slumped over the counter.

"I found these sacks of money out back Mr. Krabbs." The way I say it is so innocent, so sweet, and _so_ unsuspecting. The stingy crab runs back into his office and I smirk with pride. _"Poor little idiot."_ I exit the restaurant and listen as I hear the explosion. I'm satisfied, Krabbs's body has most likely been ripped to shreds. I decide to reenter and check the damage done. I walk into his office and there he is, blown into several sections and blood is covering the walls. Satisfied, I exit the restaurant once more and pull a small remote from my pocket. I press a button and trigger the hot gas to pour from the devices I put on the walls. Now it doesn't matter who goes in, they will die.

_"What's next?"_ I glance across the street and smirk, the Chum Bucket. All I have to do there is smash a little insignificant bean. I rub my chin and frown. Plankton's been stepped on before, but _never_ with spiked shoes.

_"I'd better put those on." _I press another button on my remote and spikes shoot out from the shoes that I'm wearing. I can't say I'm surprised, I invented the shoes. Looks like Plankton is about to die, this is a highly triumphant moment for me. I walk into his restaurant and see him whittling away at some project of his. He stops and looks over to me. "Plankton! Mr. Krabbs is dead!"

"What?!" Plankton exclaims with surprise. He bounds over to me and looks up. "What happened?"

"I don't know, but there's blood everywhere! All I know was he had one last thing he wanted to do when he died."

"What's that?"

"He wanted you to have the recipe." I put my arm to my eyes and sob fake tears. I know Plankton has a tear, he's such a sucker for a good sob story. I pull out a sheet of paper from my pocket and hand it to him, crying those fake tears once more. He takes the paper from my hands and quickly begins to open it, I can only smirk as I know exactly what is there. I speak the words written on the paper and see his one eye widen. "You're screwed, sucker." I lift my foot and Plankton screams as I begin to lower it on him. He starts to run, but gets nowhere as I crush him beneath my spikes.

"You bastard!" Shouts the little computerized wife of his. I've always hated that computer, it was so tedious. I walk over to the control system and find a button that says 'Self Destruct.' I laugh, thinking only Plankton would be stupid enough to put a button like that in. "What are you doing? Get away from there! Get away!"

"Oh shut up. Don't get your knickers in a twist." I press the button and quickly run out of the restaurant. I'm satisfied only five minutes later when the entire restaurant explodes. Yes, I am a criminal mastermind, and if it took them eleven years to figure it out, that's just too bad. Patrick steps next to me and smiles a goofy smile.

"Hey Spongebob what's going on?" I decide now is the best time to exclaim what I witnessed, it'll freak him out. My only question was why was he not paralyzed yet. "I decided to wait and eat my Krabby Patty till later, I like it better when it's frozen." I raise my eyebrow and open my mouth, I can't believe it. Now he's got a goofy look on his face and has drool bouncing out of his mouth. I am utterly speechless. I mean how the hell can someone be _this_ dumb?

"Uh Patrick, did you see the chum bucket blow up just now?" His eyes widen with shock and he jumps back.

"Oh my god! The Chum Bucket exploded? No! Run away!" Patrick screams and runs back to his house. I'm confident that he'll eat his sandwich and be paralyzed, letting me manage to torture the poor sap.

I walk to Krabbs's house and find his whale of a daughter, Pearl lying asleep in her bed. I've always wondered how a crab could have a Whale child, and _where_ was his wife anyway? No, I don't intend to kill all the citizens of Bikini Bottom one by one, I'm only doing that to the people I don't like. When I've killed the ones I despise most of all, the ones who I've purposely made friends with because I know they could hinder my success, minus the pink buffoon who's too stupid to do so, then I'll destroy the entire city in one sweep. It wasn't hard, I bet you thought the pineapple was merely a house. No, there's a hidden button in my house that turns it into a giant machine. One is a walking machine that's indestructible, that was how I managed to move the pineapple machine to this city. I did it during the night, and turned the pineapple into a completely invisible building. Needless to say, Squidward was shocked to find a house that had been built overnight, but he never really though much of it. If he had been a tad smarter, then maybe he would have figured it out.

There's another button, one that I like best. It turns the pineapple into a huge machine, bigger than any building in the city, and fires a massive laser that destroys _everything_ in its path. Judging by the intensity of it, I could destroy an entire city with it. Surely you see where I'm going with that one, at least you'd have to be an _idiot_ not to figure that one out.

As I stand there and stare at the oversized whale, I begin to wonder what I should do to kill her. I glance up and see Mrs. Puff walking around the house, I can only wonder what she's doing here. It's probably her other job, she does housekeeping every now and then. I smirk as Pearl wakes up and stares at me. "Spongebob, what are you doing here?!"

"It's your father, he's died." Pearl gasped and then began to cry her annoying tears. Normally I hate hearing her cry, but this time I'm thankful, because whenever she cried, she wasn't aware of her surroundings. She was also too loud for Mrs. Puff to hear what I was about to do. I swiftly pulled out a gun and fired several gunshots into her head and chest. She fell back and instantly stopped crying. Of course, how could a dead person cry any longer?

"Pearl, are you all right?" Mrs. Puff asks as she runs into the room. She sees me and her eyes widen. "Spongebob, what are you doing here?"

"Happy Friday the 13th, Mrs. Puff." Her eyes begin to widen more as I shift my gun over to her. She screams as I fire several bullets into her, killing her. I'm starting to wonder if my murders are becoming too sloppy, but then, it really won't matter in the end. As I walk out of the house, I begin to head toward a nearby construction site. I know what that dumb squirrel's weakness is, it's water. _"Seriously, what kind of squirrel moves underwater?"_ At this hour, she's probably watching the karate show that comes on every day. That means she's in her dome, without her helmet on. Well, it's time to flood that dome. I climb into a wrecking ball machine and begin driving out. Some construction workers run at me, but I don't care. Their big muscles never scared me before.

"Get out of there!" They try to stop me by running in front of me, but I don't stop. Why should I? I run over them and hit several with the wrecking ball. It's their warning, they're going to die anyway. I make it to Sandy's dome and grin, now's the time for her to die. I slam be ball into her dome several times, shattering numerous holes into the glass. I step out and grin as water begins shooting inside. Sandy will be one soaked squirrel now.

I then make my way to the retirement center, I know I've rigged a bomb on the outside of the building, but I still have to make sure Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are inside. I enter and check the perimeter, the two shit for brains are playing chess. That fits perfectly for me, so I slip out of the building and walk around back. I move a heavy rock out of the way and find a tiny item attached to the wall, it's my bomb. Yes, it's tiny, but it's enough to destroy the entire facility. I press a button on it and begin walking away, raising my hand up behind my ear and grinning as the building explodes.

_"Well, it's time to head back to my house. I've dealt personally with those I wanted to get rid of. Patrick should be a paralyzed nut now, so I _could_ kill him."_ I walked back home and found Patrick's rock open. He's not inside, which confuses me. He _should_ be inside and paralyzed. I figure it doesn't matter, I'm going to kill him anyway when I shoot the city with the giant laser. I walk into my house and find Gary sitting on the couch. "Gary old buddy, how are you?" Gary meows once more and I simply shrug my shoulders.

I walk into the kitchen and grab some of Gary's food. It isn't really food, as I switched it by putting a bunch of salt in his food bag. This was a different bag than the one I used this morning. I pour some of his real food into a bowl, then I secretly pour the bag of salt on top of it. "Oh Gary, here's your food." I place the dish on the floor and watch as Gary comes and begins eating. It isn't long before he looks up to me and begins to shrivel. "Oh Gary! You're sick! Maybe I should take you to the doctor!"

By now he knows the truth, he knows I have poisoned him. It's sad, but at the same time, not sad at all. I make my way upstairs into the control room of my house. I can see a Krabby Patty sitting on the desk next to the controls. _"Ugh, Krabby Patty, I hate those things."_ I pick up the patty and chuckle as I take a bite out of it for the hell of it. Once I do, I toss it into the wastebasket and move toward the controls.

"Real smooth Spongebob," A voice says from behind. I recognize it, it's _Patrick's_ voice! I turn around and see the pink star step out of the shadows. I don't exactly understand what's going on, but I can't possibly miss the smirk that seems to be etched onto his face.

"Patrick? Oh what are you doing here? Would you like to go Jelly Fishing?" Patrick frowns and crosses his arm, I can tell he doesn't want to go jelly fishing. It was always a stupid sport anyway.

"No Spongebob, I'd rather not have anything to do with a sport so dumb as that." That statement comes to me as a shock, Patrick _never_ could resist that. I laugh slightly and lean back in my chair.

"Okay Patrick, that's fine. What would you like to do today?" I raise my eyebrow and clasp my hands together. I feel a strange sensation inside of me, it doesn't feel very good. "By the way, how was that Krabby Patty you had earlier? Or are you still saving it?"

"You think I'm stupid, Spongebob?" My eyebrows rise more and Patrick rolls his eyes. "Of course you do. You tell _me_ how that patty was why don't you? You ate it." My eyes widen and anger begins to shoot through my body. The bastard _tricked _me! I start to lunge for him, but oddly enough I can't seem to feel my body. In fact, I fall right off and onto the ground. It dawns on me, I can't even move! He never ate my sandwich. I did! Crap! The fool, how could he have known? My eyes drift up and I see a triumphant smirk grow onto Patrick's face.

"Y-You conniving little bastard…Or are you just too stupid to have realized what you've just done?"

"No Spongebob, I'm afraid I'm not." Patrick grabs my back and lifts me up off the ground. He's lucky I'm paralyzed, or I'd be clawing his skin off his body right now. He glares into my eyes and holds his smirk. "You think I didn't recognize you when you moved here? Twenty two years ago, Spongebob. Twenty two goddamn years…you murdered my family. I knew it was you, I could tell. I saw it with my own eyes…and I _swore_ revenge. I swore I'd defeat the monster that killed them."

"Damn it, but you were so stupid!" Patrick laughs and throws me across the room. I don't even feel it when I hit the wall.

"When you got here, I decided then it was best to pull the stupid act. You began to do so as well, but you never seemed to recognize me. All these years, I've spent them growing close to you, so that I wouldn't be considered a grave threat…" Patrick steps next to me and stares down with narrow eyes. "Never underestimate one who appears to be an idiot, Spongebob."

"B-Bastard!" I narrow my eyes and growl, I want to kill him so badly. I hear footsteps and glance over to see Mr. Krabbs walking in. "What?! How can that be possible!" Krabbs looks at me and smirks.

"Oh? You thought those bags of money would do me in?" He asks. I don't understand, I blew him up. I saw his body in his office! Blood was on the walls! "You should have seen my office earlier. Patrick had already told me about you, he saw you shoving bombs into those bags…I painted my walls with red, to make it look like blood. Then I took a dummy and set it in my office…I escaped without problem, then met up with Patrick."

"Nobody's even entered the restaurant since then," Patrick added while leaning against a wall. "We made sure to close it down. It was a pity we couldn't get there for Squidward…I didn't have time to warn him when I spotted you putting that poison on his flute." Damn it, he was the one watching me earlier. "I had made it to the restaurant before you did, but he just wouldn't listen to me or believe me. I left to try and find a way to help him, but by the time I returned…" Patrick clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes. "It had been too late. Just like it had been too late for my family, you bastard!" Krabbs placed his hand on Patrick's shoulder and shook his head.

"Not right now, lad. Not like this. The bastard murdered Pearl, but we can't kill him like this. Besides, as much as we beat him up, he's still a sponge, there wouldn't be much we could do to destroy him." Patrick growled and swiftly kicked me in the side.

"I don't care. This bastard murdered my fiancé…" Patrick shrugged and stared over at my computer monitors. "That's fine. We can take him to Sandy's other dome. Besides, intense heat and air will kill him. Once he shrivels up, he's dead and the eleven year threat is gone for good." I scoff with excitement, they can't win. Not now at least. Sandy's dead. Patrick looked at me and raised his eyebrow. "By the way Spongebob, you didn't kill Sandy. Mr. Krabbs was hanging with her. When the water started coming in, he quickly placed Sandy's bowl over her head. She's still alive."

"Damn it!" I shout. Patrick and Mr. Krabbs pick me up, they are so lucky I can't move. "How the hell did you know what I put on that sandwich, Patrick?"

"I'm not an idiot, Spongebob." His eyes narrow and the two men carry me from my house and toss me in the back of a boat. "I smelled something different on the patty, and I didn't eat it. Looks like we found out what it did." He smirked as Krabbs started the car and drove to Sandy's secondary dome. They picked me up and walked me to the door where they met up with Sandy.

"Well I have to say Spongebob, I'm a bit surprised in you," Sandy said as she crossed her arms and glared at me. Okay, so I was guilty of wanting to kill everyone. Now what? I get punished by being thrown into an air filled place? Great, they figured out what _my_ weak area was. Sandy placed two water filled helmets on and carried me into Sandy's dome. Immediately, I could feel the effect of losing the water. The group tossed me on the ground and crossed their arms.

"You'll never be outside in the water again. Here is where you'll die for your sins. I just had to wait eleven years for this day. I figured you'd be too arrogant and proud to even be able to notice someone rising against you." I shouted out as the group left. Had I not been paralyzed, I could escape this hell. Damn it, their plan was to kill me all along. I gasped as my body began to become dry and cracked. It hurt like hell. I looked up to see that Patrick hadn't actually left, he was waiting for me to become completely dry or something. "My only regret is that you won't be able to feel this."

"B-B-Bastard…" My body is completely dry by now, anything could kill me. That's when I saw Patrick readying his fist. I closed my eyes and listened as his fist slammed into my body. With that, I began to shatter like glass. I didn't feel it, but I knew one thing that I was sure of. This was the end, I had been shattered completely. The last thing I heard was Patrick muttering the word 'Finally' and then I faded out.

* * *

There, it's over. Do what you will with it. Actually it felt kind of good to write because I'm not a big fan of Spongebob. Of course, the only character I actually have any respect for is the one that died. Too bad for Squidward. Wait Plankton died too, pity, I kind of liked him also...I bet none of you saw the twist coming, that there was something more to Patrick than what met the eye. Although, I'm sure _some_ of you saw it coming!


End file.
